On today’s episode of the brave series , we showcase a vibrant young lady known as , Lawal Damilola a.k.a LolahJune, Born and bred in Nigeria, she once worked as an Air hostess for Arik airline. She is a woman worthy of emulation and praise. A woman whose strength could be compared to that of a Lioness.
I once spent some of the most important years of my life living with her and i must tell you , those years are soo far , my most memorable years ; she taught me the true essence of leadership and she served as the sister i never had , here is the story of this Queen.
She writes,
“A fathers affection is an expression I’ve only read about or seen in movies, i can’t say what it is from experience because I have not felt it and it feels late to , so I probably will never know what it’s like, biologically , I mean .
I’m lucky to not be a prey to an abusive father, mine was just unapologetically absent.
Mum will try many times to fill the space but there’s only so much she can do. He’d be home every once a week, became once or twice a month then never again. He’d often call me and my sister names; bastards, foolish children, okporoko heads 😂(we laugh at this one as it actually sounds funny, until we realized it meant the head of a brainless fish)😔. The pattern went on and on until I stopped picking calls from him.
Last I remember seeing him was in 2007, after being involved in a ghastly motor accident and was asked for a relatives phone number. For some absurd reason, the only one I remembered after regaining consciousness was his, before going blank again. He showed up at the hospital 2 weeks, after the incident.
That accident changed everything for me, literally. Asides from my IQ being affected, it left me with ugly scars on parts of my body. Didn’t only feel unloved, also felt not as intelligent and not beautiful enough. I could bet I needed therapy, but therapy is not a thing where I’m from.
Everyone was concerned about the physical/internal injury. The trauma lasted until low self esteem creeped in fully.
Grew up a naive, shy, timid little girl; even tagged myself agoraphobic (Fear of places and situations that might cause panic, helplessness, or embarrassment ) and a loner just to excuse myself from meeting people or going out of my comfort zone.
I didn’t want anyone in my life, scared they’d leave like my daddy did.
I’d cry each time my friends spoke about their loving/caring dad, i wanted to be a daddy’s girl, so bad. I remember my cousins coming around with both of their parents to visit our grandparents . They’d look so happy and cared for, look down on us that had to live with grandma and grandpa. I hated every moment of my childhood.
Until I became of age, I dreaded Father’s Day. Reading all the efforts dads around the world put in place to put a smile on their little one’s face gets me in my mood always. People will notice I never talk about him and ask questions like “You have a dad, right?”, Embarrassed, I always responded, “No”. Then they go, “I’m so sorry”, like my response meant that he’s dead. No he’s not dead, I have a biological dad, not an acting one.
Every relationship with an opposite sex as I got older was me finding a father figure in a boy, -almost the impossible-
It’s tough I must say, especially also growing up with a fanatic as a mum who while dealing with, you don’t have an opinion. I trust the separation took its toll on her and the energy directly transferred to the kids because we had our fair share.
I grew up in fear, fear of the unknown because it’s what mum taught me do, FEAR!
I’m still a work in progress but I can bet the low self esteem is out the way.
I began reading motivational books at age 11, as it was me setting a reasonable foundation for myself. It helped a lot in being more of a realist than pity partying my entire existence. I would recite words daily just so it’s sticks, words to basically help me think more positively of myself and future, release a little fearful energy and let peace reign.
I made this decision for myself , I wasn’t going to allow situations define me or who I amount to. So far, I am not even anywhere close to perfection, however, reading the Bible gave me thorough insight of God’s promises for me. I didn’t need to be perfect to experience the blessings listed there. Why? Because God is a father to all and His love for me is unconditional; it’s not based on my perfection, neither is it based on my flaws ! A Good Good father, He is ! I understood to the in-depth that His love for me isn’t dependent on how perfect I am because in truth, no one is perfect.
He has been my father even before I was conceived. Engaging with this spirituality daily opened my eyes to how I was created in the image of my true father , one who cares so much as to even die for me.
Today, my biological father is alive, remarried and proud of me and my sister as his only kids. Lives he didn’t wait to nurture, children that he left to fend for themselves all through their youthful days. It was hard living with the fact but forgiveness is divine.
I forgave and forgive him to be at peace with myself not because he deserves to be forgiven. We don’t deserve to be forgiven as God’s children, but even still , He forgives us.
Now, I live at peace having in mind, i owe my kids the best biological father in the world. I live, growing each day at a time , knowing fully well, He is with me as I journey through life. I live , bold ”
Boye, Paulina Sharon
29th December , 2018.
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