P. Boye Motivations

“Pain is temporary, it may last for a minute, or an hour , or a day , or a year but eventually it will SUBSIDE and something else will take its place , If you quit however , it will last forever .”- Lance Armstrong.

“Pain is inevitable . Suffering however is optional”. – M.Kathleen Casey.

Persistent sadness : it’s like seeing all drowning , except that you can see everyone around you breathing . It starts as a small little feeling , then gradually grows and grows and brings tears, daily, monthly.You may smile, even though, it is so hard trying to hold back those tears .It is like no one cares , no one to run to , no one to trust , you’re all alone , and you look in the mirror and can’t recognise yourself again , barely hating whom you’ve turned out to be. Anything and everything just changes , and you’re dying for help , drowning and going deeper and deeper , looking for help , but no one shows up .

You cry out, as you begin to unconsciously live in a body that fights to survive in a mind that tries to die and you’re just tired .You get exhausted from trying to be stronger than you feel. Then you start creating solutions for yourself , solutions that you know within you will hurt you but you rather just go for it than feel this , this sting and deep bite.

Change takes over , we rather be alone than interact, we rather cry than fake a smile , we often times get asked , “how are you ” and we say “I’m fine( But alas disturbed !, alone , tired ,unwanted, broken , numb, insecure , worthless , terrified , frustrated, bitter , rejected ,disheartened , aggravated) , secretly crying and waiting for that question to come up, just one more time , as a show of little concern but again none, no one ,nobody cares .

“It’s a bit like walking down a long , dark corridor, never knowing when the light will come on ” – Neil Lennon. We often times think that being disturbed is a sign of weakness , when it actually means you’ve been strong for far too long .The HARDEST PART is waking up in the morning , REMEMBERING WHAT YOU WERE TRYING SO HARD TO FORGET last night . However, the truth is, no amount of sleep in this world could cure the tiredness you feel.

Go get help , talk to someone , write down how you feel, be true to yourself, one of the most important things is learning to forgive , not just forgive others that have hurt you but to forgive yourself because the deeper you go , the worse things get and please never feel like you bother people just by being alive because you’re a beautiful creature , you’re strong , and you are a champion , and someday , you’d look back and smile , thankful for the decision you made . Please take a step , and don’t quit , be careful not to go into depression ,it is worse off. Please its time to speak up, go on ,TELL SOMEONE!.

Sharon Paulina Boye.

1st , August 2016.