He woke up every morning beside her, not knowing if today would bring a blow, an insult, or just profound silence. Yet, in those rare moments when she showed love, she went all out—clearing her schedule just to support him on his graduation day. Women like her are scarce, he told himself.
But deep down, he knew. Love shouldn’t be a gamble, a constant fear of the next eruption. He prayed to God, met her in church, convinced himself it must be God’s will. “Who else will love me this way?” He wondered. “Where else will I find someone like this?”
His friends tried to help, but he always found reasons to stay. “It’s just a side of her,” he thought. “She only abuses me when I’ve done something wrong, after all I am not man enough, I should be bringing in more money.”
One day, he looked in the mirror and saw the shadows under his eyes, the bruises hidden beneath long sleeves. “This is not love,” he whispered to his reflection. “I deserve better.”
Dear Royalty,
It is one thing to be deeply loved, treated with respect and honour, and to have a relationship where effective communication reigns. In such a relationship, you have little to no reason to leave. But what about those of us who are not so fortunate?
What if you find yourself saying, “I’m in an abusive relationship, but I can’t leave”? You might think, “Who else will love me this way?” or “Where else will I find someone like this?” You tell yourself that it’s just a side of him or her, that they only abuse you when YOU HAVE done something wrong.
Dear lady or man,
I won’t pretend that this post is not meant to change your mind, because it is. I write this message with hopes and prayers that you will remember you are not a commodity to be priced and discarded at will.
She claims to love you, but she willfully ignores and talks down to you. He says he loves you, but doesn’t think twice about slapping you!
I can’t tell you to go back home. Maybe this has been your norm growing up; maybe you don’t even have love at home. Perhaps this relationship, as painful as it is, is the best love you have ever known.
How can I possibly tell you that you have value, that you are a pearl? Dear young man, you are a pearl. You deserve to be loved and have life poured into you. Yes, you are struggling financially now, but that doesn’t make you any less deserving of love.
Dear young lady, maybe you had a terrible past, perhaps even multiple abortions, and this guy has stood by you. You might feel unable to tell another man you can’t have his baby, so you think, “Why don’t I just stick with this man here? It’s only a slap. The Bible says I should turn the other cheek, doesn’t it? Why am I condemning him then?”
I have a message for you, dear male or female in a hurtful, spiteful, and abusive relationship. I know it’s difficult to leave. How do I know? Because I am human, and I understand the craving to be loved and accepted by someone, anyone.
I’m not even talking about settling down in marriage. To you who just wants to be in a relationship because you need validation, yes, you, I understand. You are not wrong to feel this way. There’s no one way to go about this, but if left unsolved, it can cause more havoc—your self-esteem.
The more you stay in this present relationship, constantly being undermined, unappreciated, insulted, and battered, the more it will affect every other area of your life. You will never feel good enough to accept good things.
There is a better person and relationship for you. I want you to know that you are not alone. There are people who care about you and resources available to help you find a way out. You deserve to wake up each day feeling safe, valued, and loved—not in fear of what might happen next.
Take one small step today. My first suggestion to you, dear Christian brother or sister, is to pack your things and leave the house. You are not married; it should never have happened in the first place. The same way you walked in, walk out. This time you may need a plan, but if you have to leave your things behind, do it. Walk away with your body, spirit, and soul intact—that’s more than enough for a start. Trust me.
Reach out to a friend, a family member, or a support group. Confide in someone who can help you see your worth and support you through this difficult time.
Remember, you are stronger than you know. Your life has immense value, and you have the power to change your story. It won’t be easy, and it may take time, but you are worth every bit of the effort it takes to find happiness and peace.
Hold on to the hope that a better future is possible. Believe that you are deserving of love that lifts you up, not tears you down. You are capable of building a life where you are cherished and respected every day.
With all my heart, I believe in you.
With love and encouragement,
Sharon Paulina Boye
July 7, 2024
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