Dear royalty, this one is for you
There’s a version of disobedience no one talks about enough, it’s not loud rebellion or defiance. It’s hesitation. It’s holding on just a little longer. It’s asking God for “one more sign” even when deep down, you already know.
And that was me.
I didn’t run in the opposite direction. I didn’t blatantly say no to God.
I just stayed longer than I was told to.
I said the words – “I don’t think this is God”… but I didn’t walk away immediately.
I still nurtured the connection. Still answered the calls. Still replayed the memories.
My heart was hoping God would change His mind.
But hope that clings to what God already asked you to release… is not faith. It’s idolatry in disguise.
And here’s what hurt the most: I thought I had done the right thing because I said no. But God showed me — the process of obedience matters as much as the outcome.
You can say the right thing and still grieve the Spirit if your heart posture is off.
You can decline the job but still mourn the title He never assigned you.
You can walk away from the relationship but still idolize the person.
You can say you trust Him but still try to control how the promise unfolds.
Obedience isn’t just about the final answer. It’s about the speed, the posture, the surrender.
And when God whispered, “Let go,” I held on.
When He said, “Disconnect,” I lingered.
When He warned me, I delayed. It wasn’t because I didn’t love Him. I delayed because I didn’t want to let go of what I loved too.
That’s still disobedience.
But He was kind.
He didn’t shame me. He convicted me.
And that conviction broke me in the best way. It made me realize:
I don’t want delayed obedience. I want prompt obedience — even when it hurts. Even when I don’t understand. Even when I’m in love.
Because nothing, nothing, is worth grieving the Spirit for.
So now, I pray for the grace to obey immediately.
To stop romanticizing the “almosts” and fully embrace what God actually said.
To love God more than the idea of love.
To want His voice more than I want confirmation.
To trust the God who sees further than I ever could.
And to remember always —
Delayed obedience is still disobedience. But it’s never too late to obey.
You may be like me, still healing from the hesitation. Still grieving the ties you entertained too long. Still replaying the conversations you should have ended earlier.
Here’s your sign: God’s not mad. He’s calling you deeper.
Your repentance still leads to restoration.
Your surrender still matters.
Obey now. Fully. Honestly. Promptly.
And let the peace that follows true obedience become your reward.
With love,
A recovering staller
Sharon Paulina Boye
September 30, 2025
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