P. Boye Motivations

Dear Reader,

Losing friends can be devastating. It happens when they ghost you for no reason. Sometimes they drift away over time. Other times they leave after one final blowout. And sometimes, if we’re being honest, we’re the reason they walked away.

Maybe you gossiped about them.
Maybe you ignored their pain.
Maybe you made it all about you.
Maybe they needed you in a season where you weren’t present… and that absence cut deep.

And now they’re gone. And it doesn’t feel like the usual “growing apart.” It feels like regret.

Let’s talk about it. Not to beat yourself up, but because this side of friendship loss is rarely spoken about in church circles. We talk about letting go. We discuss moving forward. We also talk about God bringing new friends. But what about when you lost them because you broke their trust?

What about when the silence is because they couldn’t keep doing life with you after that one thing?

If that’s you, I want you to know two things:

1. You’re not beyond grace.
2. You can grow from this.

The Holy Spirit doesn’t convict us to condemn us. He convicts us to transform us.

There was a time I was emotionally unavailable. I didn’t show up when I should have. I was so consumed with my own storm that I didn’t see my friend drowning. When she walked away, I felt like a victim. But after the emotions died down, I realized… I hadn’t been a good friend.

And I had to own it.

Apologies don’t always fix things. Sometimes people need distance for their own healing. And you have to respect that. But humility creates space for healing, even if reconciliation doesn’t come.

Here’s what to do when the loss is on you:

1. Take responsibility, not just in words but in posture.
   Don’t justify. Don’t explain away. If you hurt someone, acknowledge it. Don’t make them beg for an apology you know you owe. A real “I’m sorry” says, “You didn’t deserve that, and I’ll do better.”
2. Let God work on your blind spots.
   Ask Him, “Lord, what in me allowed that to happen?” Sometimes we don’t just need healing, we need maturing. The Holy Spirit can show you the patterns, pain points, or pride that got in the way.
3. Don’t make it all about your guilt.
   This isn’t about you feeling better. It’s about them feeling seen. If they’ve forgiven you, receive it with gratitude. If they haven’t, don’t force it. Give them space and let time do its work.
4. Learn the lesson, don’t carry the label.
   You are not a “bad friend.” You are a growing one. One moment doesn’t define you. Repentance doesn’t just mean tears, it means change. So let the loss teach you how to love better next time.

And if you were on the other end, if someone hurt you and refused to apologize, I’m so sorry. You didn’t deserve that. But don’t let their immaturity rob you of your softness. Healing is possible, and so is peace, even without closure.

Dear Reader,

We’ve all hurt people. And we’ve all been hurt. The goal isn’t perfection. It’s humility, reflection, and the courage to do better.

Friendship is messy. People are complex. But love, real love – the kind God shows us; is patient, kind, and always redemptive. Whether you’re the one who was wronged or the one who got it wrong, God’s grace covers both sides.

So if you messed up, apologize where you can. Grow in the areas that need healing. Don’t cling to shame. And trust that God can still send friends who will love you; the healed, humbled version of you.

Keep growing. Keep softening. Keep becoming someone worth keeping.

You’ve got this. By grace, you do.

Sharon Paulina Boye

June 9, 2025