P. Boye Motivations

Long read ahead

Dear Royalty,

Let’s continue our discussion on parent-child relationships. In our previous conversation, we talked about unlearning and learning new character traits to improve ourselves. Today, I want to tackle a challenging but essential topic: RECONCILING WITH YOUR PARENTS.

You might be ready to close this page or log off, but it’s a truth I must address. Who am I to talk about something I might not fully understand? I wasn’t there when your parents restricted you from being yourself or when your father told you, “YOU ARE NOT A REAL SON.” I wasn’t there when you grew up without your mother’s love, or when you had to deal with your problems alone as a little girl, now burdened with “daddy issues.” Society judges you, and young men turn away because ‘ a man’ failed to protect you when you needed it most. So, how dare I write a blog post from the comfort of my home and tell you to reconcile?

I am deeply sorry for the emotional and mental stress you’ve endured. It’s draining enough to deal with life’s challenges without the added burden of growing up without true parental guidance. But there’s something I’ve learned: staying in a state of anger won’t help you learn or grow. Anger clouds your focus on doing the right things, like rebuilding the broken walls for your own generation. You might think you’re justified in your anger, but it only sets you up for failure as a potential good parent.

But why should I reconcile with my parents while I can live without them ? It is not important! I am an adult and I can cut off whoever I choose to . What is the importance of the blog post?

To be honest. This may be the hardest way to put it, but it’s important to reconcile with your parents because you are reading this blog post and I believe God wants you to rebuild the ruined walls of your home. Why do I know this? While I was preparing on what to write and as I prayed , this was the message I received , I felt God tell me to write on this and that He wants to enter into family systems to rebuild broken bonds , also, you want to:

• Set a Positive Example: By choosing to reconcile, you inspire others, especially your children, showing them the power of forgiveness and understanding.

• Avoid Regret: Healing the rift now can save you from future regrets, ensuring that you don’t carry unresolved feelings of loss.

Whether you believe it or not, anger won’t make you better. It might seem like it empowers you, but it only worsens situations.

I won’t guilt-trip you with sayings like, “Whatever you sow, you reap,” or “Don’t dishonor your parents so your children won’t dishonor you.” Instead, I urge you to offer grace to your parents. Sometimes, people don’t know better, and if they did, they would do better. Other times, even when they know better, their humanity leads them astray. That’s wrong, but I beg you, OFFER YOUR PARENTS GRACE, especially if they are trying to reach out after realizing their mistakes.

Whether you like it or not, there are certain experiences you can only have if you and your parents are on good terms. They are getting older, and so are you. Why not call or text them to let them know you are considering reconciling with them? And if they are apologizing, please forgive them.

If you need to have a sit down with them to talk, can you? Here’s a movie (Gbemi) I recommend you watch that touches on this. As I wrote this blog post, I felt to share this movie. It is called Gbemi by Emmanuella Mike-Bamiloye .

Here are some other steps to help mend these broken bonds:

1. Acknowledge the Pain: Start by acknowledging the hurt and pain caused by your parents. It’s essential to validate your feelings and recognize that your experiences are real and significant.
2. Pray about the pain: it’s important to ask God to help you deal with this deep hurt. Prayer and surrendering your pain to God are the first steps toward healing.
3. Communicate Openly: if and when you are ready, reach out to your parents and have an honest conversation about your feelings. Express your hurt and allow them to understand your perspective.
4. Seek Professional Help: Consider family therapy or counseling. A professional can mediate the conversation, providing a safe space for everyone to express their feelings and work toward resolution – I recommend someone who genuinely wants the best for both you and your parents and is objective ( perhaps a trusted pastor)
5. Set Boundaries: Establish healthy boundaries to protect your emotional well-being. Let your parents know what behaviors are acceptable and what you need from them to rebuild trust. Please note you are NOT cutting them off, you are simply stating what you need to see them do or undo to rebuild trust, BUT, I beg you, don’t be too difficult as well.
6. Practice Forgiveness: Forgiveness doesn’t mean forgetting or excusing the hurt. It’s about freeing yourself from the burden of resentment. Take small steps toward forgiveness, e.g buying them a gift from time to time, even if it’s challenging.
7. Focus on the Present: While it’s important to acknowledge the past, try to focus on building a better relationship in the present. Celebrate small victories and improvements in your interactions with your parents. This will be difficult, but please, if and when you begin to recognize better behavioral patterns , acknowledge it the same way you acknowledged their wrongs when they did them leading to your resentment towards them.
8. Offer Grace: Remember that your parents are human and capable of making mistakes. Offering grace means giving them a chance to change and grow, just as you are trying to do.
9. Build New Memories: Create new, positive memories with your parents. Spend time together doing activities you all enjoy, fostering a sense of connection and understanding.
10. Take Care of Yourself: Healing is a journey, and it’s crucial to prioritize your mental and emotional health. Engage in self-care practices and surround yourself with supportive friends and family.

Reconciliation isn’t easy. It’s a journey filled with pain, reflection, and the hope of mending broken bonds. But what if, in the end, the process of healing those old wounds could lead to a brighter, more connected future?

With hope and grace,
Sharon Paulina Boye
August 3, 2024