Dear Soldier,
Let’s dive into something we often shy away from—dealing with the realness of getting hurt and being offended, especially when it comes from unexpected sources. It’s not just painful; it’s downright annoying.
Please listen to this as you read: I Will Love by Jaymikee
So, earlier this year, God nudged me to face the concept of ‘UNKNOWN HURT.’ Allow me to bare a vulnerable moment with you. There was this person I’d known for quite some time, and to put it frankly, managed to hurt me deeply. Now, as a committed Christian, forgiveness is part of my repertoire. I kept letting go, Praying, and attempting to move past the hurt. Yet, it reached a point where I decided to take a break. Why keep a connection with someone causing so much pain, right?
Fast forward two years, and we find ourselves reconnecting. I genuinely believed I had healed, forgiven, and wished this person nothing but the best. We laughed together, exchanged pleasantries, and everything seemed amicable. Then, bam! A situation eerily similar to past hurts occurred again. This time, thanks to lessons in emotional intelligence, I managed to stay composed. However, a few months down the line, this person pulled the same stunt once more, and I reached my breaking point. I decided I had every right to be upset, and I didn’t play the ‘turn the other cheek’ card this time. I confronted assertively, choosing my words wisely and without resorting to insults.
Months passed, and I adopted the strategy of ignoring him. Then, one night, it felt like God decided to address the matter personally. He pointed out that I hadn’t truly forgiven all those years ago. Sure, I had distanced myself from the hurt, but the real issue hadn’t been dealt with. It hit me—I hadn’t forgiven, and my supposed goodwill towards this person was more of a façade. God, who knows the depths of our hearts, revealed the truth I needed to confront.
And so, the journey continues, not as a perfect soldier but as one learning the intricacies of forgiveness and genuine goodwill. After all, we’re all works in progress, aren’t we?
Dear Soldier,
For the first time in many years, I opened up to a third party about it. I used to carry the mindset of, “Why expose someone else’s weaknesses? I don’t want others to see this person as bad.” Being objective, I understood that my friend wasn’t the sole culprit; I played a role too. So, I kept it to myself, thinking I was being ‘mature.’ I ceased communication but, deep down, my heart was still wounded. I spoke positive words over this friend, yet the hurt lingered. ‘ This person knew better; was a Christian, and we had undergone similar training. Why repeat the same mistakes, or perhaps not the same, but still manage to offend me two years later?’
Here’s the hard truth I must admit and had to learn: If you can’t let go of someone to the extent that, if they repeat their mistakes, your forgiveness doesn’t waver, then you haven’t fully forgiven. It might be the beginning of the process, but it’s not yet complete. If your mom, dad, brother-in-law, or friends continually hurt you, and you ‘forgive’ each time, there comes a point where the forgiveness may feel more like a forced routine than a genuine act.
So, you may ask, ‘How can Jesus expect us to forgive 70 x 7 times? Is forgiveness just a casual matter to God?’
As Christians, we often find ourselves pretending not to be hurt because we feel compelled to forgive. God explicitly states that unforgiveness can hinder us (Matthew 6) and emphasizes the importance of showing mercy as we have received it. Consequently, in our efforts to abide by these truths, forgiveness can sometimes become a mere act rather than a genuine sentiment.
Today, I want to convey a crucial message – letting go is undeniably challenging. Yet, as Christians, we are called to fight the good fight. It’s possible that the party who hurt you may never apologize, and this might even include your partner. You may wonder how they could, but what then is the solution?
I firmly believe that forgiveness is not meant for showmanship but for authenticity. It’s a process that goes beyond mere actions and demands sincerity from the depths of our hearts.
I’m still on the journey of discovering how to forgive, to be honest. Some suggest praying for the person who hurt you, and indeed, it can be effective. However, what if you pray and still find yourself hurt? Well, the advice remains: keep praying. Others say, speak to the other party and see things from their perspective, well, what if you do and it doesn’t ‘cure’ the hurt?
Stay tuned for the continuation in the next blog post.
Yours,
Sharon Paulina Boye
January 31, 2024
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