There’s some sort of emptiness that comes with the feeling of not being accepted. A place you get to in life, where the void you feel is so strong, it’s almost a dwelling place as you spend days and nights drowning in tears. It almost becomes an everyday routine. The endless head pains that come along with the thought that you are just, not enough.
The moments you feel it so deeply in the eyes of those around you that you are not wanted, slowly, you begin to feel rejection.
Why me? You may ask. Why do I always have to be the one spoken ill of or perhaps never even spoken of at all. Don’t I matter?
Waking up everyday, confident that the only messages you’d receive are messages from group chats, cause no one, just no one remembers you. No one remembers the times you gave up things for them, the times you helped them rise when they were down, the times you chose to be a friend and overlook their wrongs and so suddenly in the blink of an eye, you don’t speak anymore, just cause, “the vibe died down”. Just cause,” you aren’t cool enough “, just cause,” they found a replacement ” or perhaps, just cause “they never saw you as a friend”.
To think, that the one’s you held so dear to your heart are the ones who go round to shoot their shots just where they know it hurts. Tragic.
Where do I start from now? Who do I call? I have over 600 contacts and I’ve no one to call, no one to text, and even when I try, they all seem too busy.
Of what use is my existence if no one thinks of me as a good person?
You then think to yourself, “how about I post it out there and let them know I’m not fine or just post enough for them to notice me , perhaps someone would reach out to me”, and so you do and yes, finally you get the help you so much desire only for you to realise that your story is now trending just cause they couldn’t keep their mouth shut and they wanted to be carriers of the latest gist.
Finally you come to the conclusion, ” I am useless, I am a problem “
These words are from the thoughts of those I’ve come in contact with who were at the edge of giving up.. But not anymore.. Why ?
Darling, listen to me, read this and be sure that as I write this, I understand you, and I’m not saying it just because I’ve to, but because, I do.
Darling, know that you are worth everything, know that you are ENOUGH. I promise you, you are not a mistake. I know it’s lonely, I know it’s hard, I know how sad and hopeless it can be to taste your tears daily, but more than anything, I know, that you ARE.
Yes, you are loved, you are not alone, you are useful, you are needed, you are beautiful, your imperfections are the most beautiful there are and darling, you are a solution.
Oh yes, YOU ARE . You are everything but harmful, wicked, a liar and what not. You were created Good. It doesn’t make sense now, reading this won’t make them text you, but I sure hope it does help lift your head high.
Why do you walk with your head faced to the ground? Why do you cringe at the thought of being in a crowd? Do you know who you are? You are Royalty, carved in and with love! Understand this.
Know, oh, please know! That you are worth dying for, cause if Jesus could come one more time, just to die for you , He’d do it without question. That’s how valuable you are!
You need to rise up, wipe those tears and become the best version of yourself.
Yeah, they said you’re rude? Learn to be respectful. They said you lie, learn the truth. Oh, you are 25 and you can’t keep the house clean?
Your English isn’t good? Buy a dictionary and learn. You smell? Learn to take good care of yourself . Pick up yourself and learn to be better through the pain!
When next they see you, be everything but who they thought you were! Now, that’s what I call, “Jackpot!” . Cause Boy/Girlfriend, there’s no time, to sit and do nothing and wallow in your tears.
I know you are a good person, so be that, don’t go around proving to them that their words are true. I mean there are times you have to ignore them cause they are probably just being jealous.
My dear, if however, more than 3 people are telling you something along the same line, you should listen and improve .Turn their mockery into something you can learn from and become a better person.
I know it’s hard to forgive and let go of these things. Trust me when I say this, ” your life and peace of mind, matters more than their words, so point your finger back at you and focus on you. Ignore them and learn to love yourself”.
Turn their negatives into your positives and remember, please remember, Jesus is your Friend .
“Come to me, all of you who are tired from carrying heavy loads, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke and put it on you, and learn from me, because I am gentle and humble in spirit; and you will find rest. For the yoke I will give you is easy, and the load I will put on you is light.”
Matthew 11:28-30 GNT
Sharon Paulina Boye
24th January, 2020
